Thursday, October 13, 2011

Why My Mom Took a Brick from the Backyard One Day and Wrapped it in Tinfoil

Sometimes my mother does funny things. In fact there are many times that I think she's insane. And then I remember that she's my mother and I'm related to her and therefore just as crazy as she is. If not maybe more. But it's ok. Because I love her. Which is very important. But that's not quite what this story is about.

One sorta rainy day this summer, my parents were visiting and we were all in the kitchen and my brother was making a sandwich. Out of nowhere my mother jumps off her chair, exclaims something about Tyler Florence, and disappears into the back yard. She returned a moment later holding a brick that she had clearly pulled out of the ground aloft. "Mom, what's the brick for?" "For your sandwich!" This is the part where we looked at her like like she was crazy. "Tyler Florence says everyone needs a kitchen brick. Here, I just wrap it in several layers of foil and we'll put your sandwich in a pan and it'll act like a panini press!" Now, I admit, she was on to something. "I feel like Tyler Florence has a nice, clean brick that he didn't just pull out of the yard to put on his food." "Just put the brick on the sandwich."

And that, my dear friends, is why I have a brick wrapped in tinfoil in my kitchen cabinet. And now, I'm gonna teach you how to use one.

Step One: Bread. I feel like that's all the explanation this step needs.

Step Two: Barbeque sauce. Yup. Not mustard. Not mayo. We're using barbeque sauce on our bread.

Step Three: Turkey. Ham or roast beef or really any type of meat would work. Also, mushrooms. Next comes cheese. Lots and lots of cheese. Seriously. This is one of the best parts. Once you think you have enough cheese, add another handful. Then you have enough cheese.

Step Four: Melt some butter in a non stick pan on Low-Medium heat. I have mine set to 3. Place sandwich in pan. Do anything necessary to make sandwich fit in pan. Or... use a larger pan. That might work too. But it's ok if it's a little too big. It happens to the best of us. And me too.

Step Five: Take a brick. Any brick will do. Even one straight out of the garden. Just ask my mom. Take your brick and wrap it in several layers of tinfoil. Then place your brick atop your sandwich and press down firmly. Walk away and return in six or seven minutes. Or until you remember that you did have a sandwich under a brick on the stove.

Step Six: Flip sandwich. Should be nice and crunchy. Makes a nice "tump tump" sound when you tap it. 'Cause you will. You just gotta. Place brick back on top of sandwich and once again wander off to tend to your cactus or knit some mittens or do whatever it is you do. Will you knit me a pair of mittens?

Step Seven: Remove brick. And enjoy. Mmmm... Warm and crunchy and cheesy and barbequey. Delicious, actually.

So what did we learn today? 1. Bricks are good. Especially bricks in tinfoil. 2. I would like a fuzzy pair of mittens for Christmas. 3. Yes, I have a cactus.