Saturday, October 17, 2009

A Letter to the Clothing Companies

Dear Clothing Companies:

I am a real girl. With real proportions. Your clothes, while most certainly real, do not have real proportions. I cannot find a single article of clothing that fits properly or as intended. And on the off chance I do, it looks like a unicorn has vomited rainbows all over it. I mean, seriously. What is with the styles these days?

I am a size zero short in jeans. Size zero. Does anyone else realize that zero mean that there is nothing there? How is this legitimately a size? And what about double zero? I fail to see how something can not be there times two. Of course, I suppose the size is rather accurate. There is -nothing- there. I try on a pair and if I dare open the dressing room door I'll be arrested for public indecency. Sorry to disappoint you, but I wear my jeans on my hips and I do have a waist. I'm not one for flaunting around whatever underwear I'm wearing that day. And your 'short' jeans? Yeah. I don't know what your definition of short is, but that definitely is still three inches way too long.

And what about some of these shirts? I mean, half those shirts you need to be at least a C cup to look decent in. What about us slightly smaller chested girls? We wanna look good too! And, as much as we wish we had a little more to flaunt, we don't. And then those shirts are just too baggy and super awkward looking. Who really wants to search for their boobs? Or, they fit just fine across the chest and then woop! There's your belly button. And your sweatshirts? Just 'cause my arms aren't that long, doesn't mean I have absolutely no torso. Does everything have to be a crop top?

And what is with the fashion these days? Did a rainbow collide with the past to create this mind-blowingly neon rendition of every fashion trend that was later horribly regretted? Or did a happy, prancing unicorn just get a little ill on all of your fabric and ended up spewing rainbows all over your clothes? Let me assure you, very little of that stuff is actually wearable without looking like your clothes are radioactive. Most of it is just plain ugly. I don't want to be directing planes in my neon clothes. I just want some comfy, casual kinda tops that I can mix and match; few longs sleeves, few short sleeves, couple sweatshirts, nothing too complicated there. But it's awfully hard to pair my purple and black houndstooth shirt and my dark green pants to anything but some other crazy color. Oh, I think my eyes may just be bleeding. What happened to jeans and tee shirt with a funny saying? Huh? That's what I wanna buy. Comfy clothes that I don't have to work at to look good in.

Don't you think all these terribly ill-fitting clothes kinda makes a girl feel horrible about herself? Well, in case you can't make up your mind, Yes. They do. It feels terrible when you go up a jean size just because you clothing companies decide to make the size threes change to size fives. And then we walk around those stores and see all those stick thin models staring down at us wearing the clothes we wish fit, daring us not to bow down and hand over dinner that night to burn a few extra pounds off. How is someone supposed to ignore everyone everywhere telling us we're not skinny, we're not pretty.

Think about who you're selling to. Not those skinny little models with insanely unrealistic proportions. The general public. The general public with real proportions, real lives. Be realistic.

With Regards,